Long term marriages work on strengths and not weaknesses. Concentrate on the strengths of your partner and build upon it. Concentrate your energies in constructive things around you which give you happiness.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Marriage is one of the biggest gambles of life. If the gamble works, adjustment and compromise becomes the life mantra and if it doesn’t work then divorce or extramarital affairs are the outcome. If the marriage works, it doesn’t mean it is perfect. Perfect marriage is an illusion. It happens only in Mills and Boons novels. Once the honeymoon period is over, the curtain from the eyes is lifted and a clearer picture emerges. The same spouse who seemed to be carved out with utmost perfection becomes a bundle of imperfections. Fights, arguments, negative feelings & cribbing become a rule rather than an exception. If you feel that now nothing can happen and separation is the answer, think again. If love and motivation to stay together exists and no present extra marital affairs and violence or gross untreatable mental illness exists in either of the partner hope exists.
Marital therapy is the treatment of choice when such a problem becomes difficult to solve. The problem is approached in a step wise manner through a series of sessions. These are paced as per the problems in a professional and scientific manner. Few tips are given below.
No one is 100% bad or good. If there are lacunae within your partner, there must be something good as well. You can keep concentrating on the negatives and keep feeling worse but if there is anything positive, think about it which will give at least a ray of hope to move on.
Whenever feeling low, think of all the happy memories and the good times you spent together which will not only lift away the despair but also will help you in thinking clearly.
Years of marriage results in blame game whereby responsibility for anything that has gone wrong is passed on to the other partner. Shedding away the responsibility is the easiest thing to do and takes the guilt away as well. Think again. Attacking your partner will always result in defensive reaction by the other partner, the result of which will always be a fight.
Discuss issues with your partner, things that make you happy or sad, what are your expectations, how can this alliance be improved. Communication very important; which should be done in the right fashion. If you don’t talk; you can’t talk your way out.
Realise your own mistakes and how you rectify them. Change has to be brought in both the partners so why not start from your own self. Write down your positives and negatives and do the same for your partner as well.
Imagine how it would be like to be married to your own self. Then you might be able to understand the position of your spouse better. It would also help you in understanding your own self.